Disapointment

I've never been one of those people that can hide my emotions. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I wear my disappointment on my face and in the slump of my shoulders, and if I'm angry, well, look out! I've got dagger eyes for sure!


I know this is not ideal. I know that this is something that by my age, you'd expect me to have learned a thing or two about at least disguising my feelings for the sake of argument, but I have not. 


And I don't think living in Haiti is going to benefit me any in developing that ability. 


I feel like I could live in Haiti for another 100 years and I won't get any better at it. 


And yes, I know that disappointments are all about perspective, and that I am in control of how I react to issues in my life. I've read all the books, taken all the workshops, I even do yoga and meditation/prayer every day to keep my balance. 


Yet, here I am, long in the face yet again. 


I keep setting myself up for failure because I keep counting on others. I should know better, right? 


The Psalmist reminds us not to put our faith in princes, or man, for there is no salvation there. 


But isn't part of growing in the community about putting some trust in your fellow man? 


Maybe I am reading things out of context because a. I am not so awesome that I can do everything and 2. occasionally I am not capable of doing everything for myself and I MUST ask others to help. 


So, God please grant me the patience to see the lessons these occasions offer, instead of the disappointments. And please help me to disguise my disappointment when I fail at seeing the lessons offered. Amen