Things to be thankful for

Every day brings new challenges, and often new reasons to want to go home. I am resolved to see this through. I am certain I was called here for a reason. Whether it is about helping with the growth of these children, or just to help with my own personal growth, or maybe both, I do not know. What is certain is that I am not the same person I was 4 months ago. 


In many ways I am become more cautious and reserved and in other ways I am letting go of that caution and reservation. I am hoping to achieve a higher level of enlightenment either way. 


One of the most difficult things to do is to practice what you preach. Even to practice what you believe. To say you believe in something is one thing. To actually have the conviction to live it is not an easy life. 



For the second time since I've been here, I've been robbed. For some reason, my guardian angels have chosen to allow these cracks in their protection of me. So why is this something to be thankful for? Well, at the same time that they are loosening their hold on me and allowing these things to happen, they are also enveloping me in personal safety. On two occasions now I have found myself in situations that could have turned out very bad for me. They warn against putting yourself in situations, both of which I have jumped feet first into. Once because I was stranded by my driver, and once due to my own bad choice, reacting emotionally and not rationally to a bad situation. 


While I won't scare you with an explicit analysis of these occasions, let me assure you that I completely understand the mistakes I've made and how to prevent this from occurring in the future. Suffice it to say, that during and after each of these circumstances, I was ready to pack it in, sure that Haiti had defeated me. And on both occasions have I had angels near me help me to understand that these situations are there to help me achieve a higher purpose in not being defeated by them. 


Okay, so I'm being cryptic and vague, I know. I don't want to startle anyone with stark confessions of how galactically stupid I can be. Especially considering all the training I've been through and the experiences I've had. you would think that I, of all people, would be in greater control of my emotions. But something happened to me when I moved to Haiti, something I am still working through. I have suddenly found myself in possession of feelings I forgot I had, emotions I have not had to deal with for a long time. 


It's like I had become this hard person, I had a pretty hard shell and didn't really have to deal with a lot of feelings for so long. I have purposely avoided relationships for the longest time, and now I am dating and meeting new people. I stayed pretty closed up for so long. I had forgotten how to deal with all this raw emotion. And now, in Haiti, I feel so vulnerable. I have to rely on so many others when for so long I have been pretty much self-sustained. 


It is all a personal growth opportunity and I will not run away from it. If anything, I will take these events and use them to strengthen my resolve. 


I am thankful for all of the crappy events that led up to me having this chance to come here and do this work, work that I have yearned to do my whole life. And now that I am here, I am thankful for the crappy events that keep nearly derailing my program, nearly sending me running to the airport. I am thankful for the angels I have met along the way, and the guardian angels that keep me safe from harm. 


I thank God for everyone that helped to make this possible. A year ago I was ready to pack it all in. I missed my sister, I missed my mother, I missed my son. Mostly I grieved for the life I never got to live. And now that I have made it through another year I thank God for giving me the strength to face each new day.

All for now. Here's the only picture I was able to capture of our Thanksgiving feast.